If you’ve been in business for more than a few years, it is possible that you’ve encountered someone ‘bad mouthing’ you or your business. This happened to me and it was quite shocking at the time.

Sadly for my ‘bad mouther’ it did her no favours. Even if there had been any truth to her statements, her actions said far more about her ethics and attitude than it did about the (false) statements about my business. It is quite interesting to have observed from afar a number of other business relationships (and even friendships) that have fallen apart due to this person’s dealings.

Interestingly for me, since that incident (the one that I knew of anyway!), I have had many occasions where I could have chosen to speak negatively about her business. I regularly have clients who ask ‘why does XYZ company do that? It seems unethical to me’, in relation to an opposing policy we have. I have to choose my words carefully each time, ensuring that I sound as diplomatic as possible.

So why wouldn’t I take this opportunity to bad mouth my competitor? Especially seeing that it’s my client who has raised the issue, not me? Aside from my personal resolution to speak kindly about others, I believe I can achieve my goals without ‘trash talking’ the competition. I have many happy clients who haven’t come to me because I’ve told them how good I am or how much better I am compared to my competitor. I let my work and my actions with them speak for themselves.

Bad mouthing your competitors can come out of frustration; you believe you genuinely have a better product or service, but it can be hard to convey that without making negative comments about your competitor. But remember: your customers are looking for reasons to engage with you, not reasons why not to engage with someone else! Your comments, even if they are well-meaning or out of concern for your customer’s welfare, can become counter-productive and undermine you.

Michelle Grice writes a weekly column for business women in The Western Weekender

I've been realising more and more that business relationships have many comparisons to personal relationships - and are often as complicated! I've come up with a list of "relationship questions" to work out if your business is a "good catch":

• what first impression does my business make? Does it catch the eye of potential clients or does it blend in with the crowd?
• is my business attractive to potential clients? Is it "well dressed"/well presented?
• what values does my business project to potential clients? Are those values consistent across all my business activities? Does my business express those values clearly from the outset in all it does?
• how well does my business "woo" potential clients? Does it give an impression of confidence and trust?
• how does my business foster ongoing relationships? Does my business communicate regularly?
• are all my clients treated with respect? Does this show in all the ways my business interacts with clients?
• how are "relationship problems" dealt with (i.e. complaints)? Am I committed to solving issues in a timely and sensitive manner?
• are “anniversaries”/milestones celebrated with clients?

Just like in personal relationships, it can be difficult to objectively answer these questions, because we can have an impression of ourselves (good or bad!) that may not be entirely accurate. What we THINK we are projecting might be very different to how people perceive us.

A savvy woman would ask her girlfriends to give her honest feedback about how she "comes across" - not always an easy thing to do but for anyone who really wants to improve their chances of "relationship success", it can be a fruitful exercise. So too in business, asking for objective opinions about your business is extremely valuable, even if it may be hard to hear!

My suggestion: ask a range of people the above questions about your business. Choose people who know your business well and some who have little knowledge of your business. Although not everyone can answer all the questions, you'll get some really interesting and valuable feedback.

And in the words of Zig Ziglar: “You cannot perform in a manner inconsistent with the way you see yourself.”

Michelle Grice writes a weekly column for business women in The Western Weekender